The Two-Thirty Guided Tour

Published in Beyond the Boundaries

Page 1

"And if you'll follow me across to the window here, you'll see Item Seven in your guidebooks."

Here we go again. Right outside my office. If I glanced up, I'd see them all flipping the pages of those bloody yellow books. Used to send me, the noise; you cannot begin to attempt a bank account reconciliation, much less a cash flow summary and recommendations with all that flapping and shuffling and coughing.... Anyway, they've double glazed that window facing that corridor now. Although it doesn't stop me hearing that blessed tour guide.

"Here we see a rare but less fortunate result of the early European Work Practices Legislation, about the time of the first ratifications in 2013. As you know, these laws formed the foundation of the later European Self-Realisation Bureau and its working groups, introduced in 2026, and the first steps toward the working environments we all benefit from today."

How many times do I have to hear it?? 'Less fortunate,' she says. She would. They all would, legislation worshippers, the lot of them. Can't wait for the next act of EParliament so they can make better decisions about cutting their toenails, or moving their bladders! I mean, when you start by making it illegal to be at the office -

"Beginning with the Standard Working Week Bill, all full-time employees became obliged to limit themselves to working 35 hours in a consecutive seven-day period. Separate legislation was phased in to ease implementation in the emergency services, as we shall see - "

Never mind bloody emergency services! I tell you, on the day that legislation came into force, it was month end deadline, and my Stationery Stock Actual against Recorded would not reconcile. ECU43.17 out. And I was supposed to just walk out and leave it. That's right, just walk out! 'It's a formula for chaos,' I said. All these loose ends, To Do lists unticked, filing piling up and who knows what else. So I hid in the toilet. I did. I hid in the toilet and once they'd gone, I could get on in peace at least until the cleaners came.

"But, as you'll know if you've done any reading on the subject, there were pockets of resistance to this particular piece of legislation in England among other countries, which made it necessary to employ inspectors -"

Pimply-faced Belgian. The cleaners tipped him off.

"- whose function, initially, was to persuade reluctant employees of the cost benefits to the company if they balanced their working lives with leisure. More resilient individuals were urged to start the transition by working from home."

Tell me about it. 'We'll get you a laptop,' Belgian boy says. 'You can set it up on your dining room table, or on your patio when it's sunny outside; you can take it with you in the car - what makes these people think any of those are places to work??! See, this is where they don't click. Working environment. It's got to be a working environment. Not a bloody holiday spot.

God knows I tried to make it clear to them, at departmental meetings, I'd say, 'See here!' (I'd drawn up some charts). 'See here how many routine tasks which had been getting done pre-legislation are now being neglected.' I wasn't getting weekly Retro-Rebate Breakdowns, or Customer Diagnostics Against Sales